Well, Baby has started waking up through the night again. He's just determined not to let his poor mommy sleep. For the past 2 nights he's waken up at least 4 times each night. I was so angry and tired this morning that I was in tears. My husband, bless his heart, didn't know why I was upset (he never hears the baby). God, for some reason, has deemed it necessary for my little angel to wake me up and make sure I don't get a good nights sleep. Maybe it's meant for me to learn to have a more patience. That's a hard lesson to learn when you're not getting much sleep.
On top of no sleep, we were trying to decide whether or not to let Alex go out of town without us. I was on the fence but, my hubby was not ready to let him go that far without us yet. We went back and forth over it for a few minutes and I finally decided to let it go and keep the baby here. I really am a little nervous about Alex going that far away without us. It's our little man. Even when he does sleep through the night, I still wake up thinking that I heard him grunt or whine, meaning the beloved passy has become dislodged and he can't get it back in his mouth. I may be alright with him going now but, I would probably end up crying my eyes out as soon as he left. I've done it before. I'll probably do it again.
I have learned that it gets easier to spend time away the more often I let go. I'm afraid that eventually I'll let go too much and my little man will think that I don't care and it doesn't matter what he does or where he goes or how long he stays gone. Is that normal???? I know that right now he can't stand to be put down for more that about 5 minutes but, will this change? Will he eventually not want Mommy to kiss the hurts and rock him to sleep. I don't know if I can deal with that. Sometimes it seems like only Mommy can make the tears go away. That really does something for my ego but nothing for my sanity. Sometimes the only thing that satisfies is to walk, walk, and walk some more. I swear I'll lose all the baby weight from walking around our living room.
Well, for now, I know that I love being a Mommy. I may seem a little crazy sometimes and yes Owell, I do go over the deep end sometimes after a baby screaming session. I may be calm around people but, when it's just me Brian, and Alex, I can be a little loopy. I believe every Mom goes through it. I'm not the only one. I can't be.
Most of us moms can keep our cool out in the open and go butt wild behind closed doors. :) Just kidding. I do know that most women are good at keeping up the calm facade (Hey Brian, I used a fancy word). Let's do each other a favor though. Don't let your kids run wild out in public. It's not polite for others to have to put up with a screaming child in a restaurant or store. I know that there are some of you out there that think it's nobody's business but, you make it everyone's business when it happens out in public. Think about it.
Ok, I think I'm done with my rant for today.
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